I've always had pets, something furry in the house my entire life. It wasn't until I became ill that I realised how important having a pet is.
I think the biggest thing about pets is their unconditional love for their owners. From dogs to pythons, they don't care how much you cry or how horrendous you're feeling, they will still hang out with you. It doesn't mean that they can't provide any kind of support. Rather, they are able to "listen". They may not be able to understand you, but being able to talk about how you're feeling to another living thing is so important. Pets will never dismiss your thoughts and feelings or trivialise your struggles.
Pets, as horrible as this sounds, can actually prevent suicide. Or at least they have for me. Knowing that there is something innocent and alive dependant on you to feed, water and care for it can make you carry on just a while longer. That's why I was so determined to have a pet when I moved out of home (where I was always around my beautiful cats). I have a wonderful supporting boyfriend, but it's not the same as a pet. That's why I got myself a pet rabbit, Vlad. He's a bit of a jerk, chewing everything, peeing and nipping at people on occasion. But still his life is important and he is my responsibility.
Vlad gets me up in the morning. I have to make sure he has enough food and water, that his cage is clean and he has time to run about the house. I have to get up. The mix of a very doping medication and depression makes mornings the worst part of my day. Even if all I want is to curl up and ignore my life and the world I still get up to look after Vlad.
Pets are particularly tuned in to their owner's wellbeing. When I was dying, Tiggy would avoid me and Pokie would follow me around and sit on me and purr for hours. Different strokes for different... cats? Either way, they both knew something was up. It did help me see how desperately ill I was. I was able to use their behaviour around me to find out how well I was doing with recovery.
After realising how important animals were to me, I started studying veterinary nursing at the beginning of the year. It has been a struggle to do my studies, especially given my slide back into depression and a resurgence of disordered thoughts. But I am still able to get my shit together long enough to study a few hours a week.
Pets really do help.
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Thursday, May 28, 2015
Monday, July 28, 2014
After Recovery Thoughts
Well here we go, a new blog! I've been thinking about it for a while and blogging has helped me with getting through less awesome times in my life so maybe it is time to get back in to it. And here we are starting afresh.
I'm going to start off with quite a serious topic: being a weight-restored anorexic. Therapy and medication and doctors don't really prepare you for the "after".
One: you won't ever really be 100% comfortable in your body. I know a lot of people aren't comfortable in their own skin anyway but for us select few who have beaten anorexia into the dingiest darkest corner of our minds, it's just that bit harder. As much yoga, meditation and calming mind-clearing crap you do it's still not awesome. But it is better, quieter, less stressful.
Two: you have to keep up with all the techniques you used during whatever recovery process you went through. That means no body checking, no weighing, no calorie counting, no goal weights, no skipping medications. It may seem all fine and dandy for a week or even a few months but then all those little triggers that you could deal with individually build up in to an overwhelming mass and you're not in the best headspace again. But you can get back out of that place by using those techniques. Seek professional help if you need it, it is not weak to ask for help.
Three: you're going to go through bad patches. But you're so much better prepared for them. Bad body days. Bloated days. Tired days. Stressed days. Binge days. Restriction days. Emotional torment days. But they don't make you a bad person. They make you a person. So get through them. Tomorrow is always better.
Four: some people are toxic. Some people are only mildly toxic. If someone is bringing you down, cut them out. You have to. You're still fighting, everyday. You don't need to make it any harder on yourself.
Five: Talking about weight and shape isn't easy. But it is something you've got to start getting educated on. See it from a marketing perspective. We're sold all these products to be thinner, weaker, prettier, and more complacent. Is that what you really want? I'm fairly sure the reason I recovered was to be a badass.
Six: Not looking anorexic doesn't mean you're not still anorexic. People don't understand mental health. You can't just wave a magic wand at an eating disorder and everything is fixed. Also you're going to have to deal with a few dickheads who think that anorexia is a joke and will totally dismiss your experience. Fuck them.
That's the major ones I can think of. But it takes time to get better. I'm still not all better. I still have some really shit days. I still have days where everything is triggering. But most days I can function like an average person. I am still alive, I'm still fighting.
I'm going to start off with quite a serious topic: being a weight-restored anorexic. Therapy and medication and doctors don't really prepare you for the "after".
One: you won't ever really be 100% comfortable in your body. I know a lot of people aren't comfortable in their own skin anyway but for us select few who have beaten anorexia into the dingiest darkest corner of our minds, it's just that bit harder. As much yoga, meditation and calming mind-clearing crap you do it's still not awesome. But it is better, quieter, less stressful.
Two: you have to keep up with all the techniques you used during whatever recovery process you went through. That means no body checking, no weighing, no calorie counting, no goal weights, no skipping medications. It may seem all fine and dandy for a week or even a few months but then all those little triggers that you could deal with individually build up in to an overwhelming mass and you're not in the best headspace again. But you can get back out of that place by using those techniques. Seek professional help if you need it, it is not weak to ask for help.
Three: you're going to go through bad patches. But you're so much better prepared for them. Bad body days. Bloated days. Tired days. Stressed days. Binge days. Restriction days. Emotional torment days. But they don't make you a bad person. They make you a person. So get through them. Tomorrow is always better.
Four: some people are toxic. Some people are only mildly toxic. If someone is bringing you down, cut them out. You have to. You're still fighting, everyday. You don't need to make it any harder on yourself.
Five: Talking about weight and shape isn't easy. But it is something you've got to start getting educated on. See it from a marketing perspective. We're sold all these products to be thinner, weaker, prettier, and more complacent. Is that what you really want? I'm fairly sure the reason I recovered was to be a badass.
Six: Not looking anorexic doesn't mean you're not still anorexic. People don't understand mental health. You can't just wave a magic wand at an eating disorder and everything is fixed. Also you're going to have to deal with a few dickheads who think that anorexia is a joke and will totally dismiss your experience. Fuck them.
That's the major ones I can think of. But it takes time to get better. I'm still not all better. I still have some really shit days. I still have days where everything is triggering. But most days I can function like an average person. I am still alive, I'm still fighting.
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